Right now at this moment, I am down.
Here are some thoughts and things happened.
Last night was quite dramatic, she came from Singapore to camp at my house out of a sudden working schedule changes.
During dining at Roost Cafe, she was silent all the way, and she preferred reading her book than talking to me which is kind of disappointed.. Sigh.
For some unknown reason, she insisted of going back to Singapore instead of staying overnight here.
So I fetched her to custom after our dinner..
She left from my car and headed to custom.
I was quite down and I started to regret when the moment she went out of car.
So I parked my car somewhere nearby the custom bus stop and I ran towards the way she headed.
Three guards blocked me from going forward for not bringing passport.
I pleaded them for letting me go to look for someone and will be coming out very soon afterwards.
One of the guard is kind-hearted enough that decided to escort me there.
So i continued my running and luckily she wasn't walking too fast.
I managed to bring her back to my car and she seemed tired so she slept on the seat with blanket on.
After a long way to home, she went straight to bed.
Everything is still peaceful.
Then, something really hurting has spoken from her, "let's not contact each other anymore, I'm vexed"..
I was stoned and I asked why, and no answer replied.
The feeling of heart broken, it was so real last night..
Still, we hugged each other to sleep after a long-silent, and I finally calmed to actually fall asleep.
The next morning which is this morning, everything seems normal to me.
In fact, it wasn't.
She took out her ring which is our couple ring and left it on my desk.
She refused to want it back when I asked, I was speechless..
We had another silent breakfast at Toast Cafe, a cafe that I used to have my meal here everyday during my college times.
On the way fetching her to custom, I spoke my thoughts out.
I apologized for being such a vexing fella.
I thanked her for those precious memories that she has given me..
Those moments, those memories, are really priceless to me..
It seems to impossible to happening again.
I told her, if this is what she hoped for, I shall granted what she really wants if I really cared about her.
I told her as well, she's still the only one that i loved, much.
I asked her to take back the ring, it is belonging to her whether she wants to throw it away or keep it.
I was shocked that she actually tried to open the car window and tend to throw it away, window was locked by the way.
She left my car and headed towards Singapore.
On the way back, I wet my face..
I am useless I know, and I do admit that.
I am so fragile when things are related to her..
I felt helpless and aimless while driving.
Part of my heart has gone missing..
So I drove to a good friend's house, text-ed her to accompany me for a short while.
However, she's just like what she has told me, not good in consoling people.. Lols.
Still, grateful for sparing your study time just to cheer this friend up.
Thanks. :)
As what I would usually do, I text-ed her a long one.
In words, I apologized again for vexing her, thanked her again for those sweetest moments in my life that she gave, and as well with these, "You are still the only one I loved very much"..
I felt that I am so useless after I sent that, I am just spineless I think..
I blamed myself in front of her for putting her in such a high position in my heart, but in fact I never regret on doing that.
I behaved like a paranoid after we broke up, I was always imagining wildly, negatively.
Frankly speaking, I can't afford to lose her, and yet I actually lost her already.
Love is unfair, one chose to wave the white flag, there's nothing the other one could do.
For me, this has happened just too quickly to accept.
Well, I still love you.
I am still hoping that you could come back to my side, still wishing that I could hold your hand, hold you tightly in my embrace, again..
It seems impossible by now..
Faded..
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