Random.

Friday, I woke up late that day.

Had KTV session with her bestie at around eight until midnight..

Been to a mamak stall afterwards and chit-chatted for hours..

Talked mostly about the precious her.

Listened to those, warmed my heart indeed.

I missed those moments with her by my side..

I was once feeling that I was so close to her when I was chatting with her bestie about her.

I am afraid that me and her will be just drifted apart as the time flows, further and further..

:(

Saturday, it was just a normal day to me.

Mom bought iPhone for me as birthday present!

Touched and grateful! Lols.

:D

Been to Singapore all of a sudden.

Just to see her and talk to her.

To ask about last night posts that she posted.

I was shocked when I just got home and saw those..

It was about she cried for some reason that she refused to tell and someone lent her his shoulder and warmed her heart.

That's great.

Anyway, I reached my destination around eight plus and walked around the mall.

Had my light plus late dinner at Toast Box alone.

After waited for some times, I accompanied her home..

We had our supper at a 24-hours hawker nearby her flat.

Didn't talk much due to the last train and bus that I needed to catch.

She rushed me to the train with an unkind attitude. Lols.

Kind of regretted and heavy-hearted while I was on my way home..

Wanted to ask her about something and tell her my thoughts face to face.

But I couldn't, time-wise.

She told me, she wanted to change her number and insisted of not letting people know, even her besties.

And I wonder why.

Anyway, had a phone conversation with her just now before she sleeps.

Talked about that thing happened lately.

Well, it was about a hi-tea with a good friend of mine and I took picture with her.

I showed her the picture because it was just a normal friend outing.

She got mad.

She even decided to give up on this relationship that we built so hard just like that.

And she told me, she can hardly believe in me already due to that occurrence.

It hurts.

She said you got hurt too much in past relationships, and this time, again..

And she got tired already..

I was speechless.

I am being accused of betraying her and yet she refused to accept my explanation and chose to let go..

Does she ever care about my feeling?
Or maybe, she already decided to let go long time ago, and this is just the perfect timing.
I am imagining wildly, again.

Nothing.

Nothing could alter the position of you in my heart, and nothing would change my mind either.

If you opt to let go, there is nothing I could do.

But one thing would not change for sure, you are still the only one I care the most.

A little piece of memory.

I missed the time when we are watching fringe together.
Watching alone is not as fun as watching with you.
Especially your expression when you got scared by some stupid effects or scenes, it is priceless just to watch.
x)

Starved!

I was starved!!
Just got home and I am eating now.
Went out around six and skipped my dinner.
I thought of mom's cooks when the moment I wanted to order, so I'd rather skip it.
To save money and to show that I am a filial son. Lols.
x)

Can't stop myself from stalking your profile.
Lols.

Last night.

Brain is not functioning well, it lags every five minutes.
Splendid hang over effect.
:)

Well, last night been to a place that I used to go every Wednesday night before.
Didn't have much fun, just had few beers with a friend at the lounge bar.
Recalled lots of things over there, that is the place we met for the very first time, unforgettable night.
I actually stayed there until they turned the lights on, after the romantic music part. Lols.
Seeing so many loving couples hugging on the dance floor wasn't a good feeling..
Missed those moments with her so much.
I sent messages to her last night when I was drunk..
:/

My mind.

Right now at this moment, my mind is all about you.
Feel like text you so much..

Fried bananas are great.

Stayed home whole day.
Didn't eat much and not much food to eat at home also. Sighs.
Just had ma fried bananas and coconut juice as hi-tea, mom bought. Lols.
Have to plan some outings soon but I've got some funding problems due to my desire of wanting something.
So mom cut down my pocket money already. Shit!
My birthday is around the corner!
Gonna celebrate an early one with my family and relatives this weekend I guess.
I always tell them, I don't need any present, just give me the money and I will buy myself!
xD

I am missing you, do you miss me as well?

Curiosity kills cat.

Just got home from singing K with ma bro, almost sang my lungs out..

I still don't feel good.
Those sad songs are reflecting my situation right now..
Wondering what are you currently doing..
Sleeping maybe?
Heard that you never online tonight.
Curious.
Every thought is about you, what is wrong with me?
I miss you.
:/

Broken pieces of my heart.

Well, today's not a bright day for me.
Right now at this moment, I am down.

Here are some thoughts and things happened.
Last night was quite dramatic, she came from Singapore to camp at my house out of a sudden working schedule changes.
During dining at Roost Cafe, she was silent all the way, and she preferred reading her book than talking to me which is kind of disappointed.. Sigh.
For some unknown reason, she insisted of going back to Singapore instead of staying overnight here.
So I fetched her to custom after our dinner..
She left from my car and headed to custom.
I was quite down and I started to regret when the moment she went out of car.
So I parked my car somewhere nearby the custom bus stop and I ran towards the way she headed.
Three guards blocked me from going forward for not bringing passport.
I pleaded them for letting me go to look for someone and will be coming out very soon afterwards.
One of the guard is kind-hearted enough that decided to escort me there.
So i continued my running and luckily she wasn't walking too fast.
I managed to bring her back to my car and she seemed tired so she slept on the seat with blanket on.
After a long way to home, she went straight to bed.
Everything is still peaceful.
Then, something really hurting has spoken from her, "let's not contact each other anymore, I'm vexed"..
I was stoned and I asked why, and no answer replied.
The feeling of heart broken, it was so real last night..
Still, we hugged each other to sleep after a long-silent, and I finally calmed to actually fall asleep.
The next morning which is this morning, everything seems normal to me.
In fact, it wasn't.
She took out her ring which is our couple ring and left it on my desk.
She refused to want it back when I asked, I was speechless..
We had another silent breakfast at Toast Cafe, a cafe that I used to have my meal here everyday during my college times.
On the way fetching her to custom, I spoke my thoughts out.
I apologized for being such a vexing fella.
I thanked her for those precious memories that she has given me..
Those moments, those memories, are really priceless to me..
It seems to impossible to happening again.
I told her, if this is what she hoped for, I shall granted what she really wants if I really cared about her.
I told her as well, she's still the only one that i loved, much.
I asked her to take back the ring, it is belonging to her whether she wants to throw it away or keep it.
I was shocked that she actually tried to open the car window and tend to throw it away, window was locked by the way.
She left my car and headed towards Singapore.
On the way back, I wet my face..
I am useless I know, and I do admit that.
I am so fragile when things are related to her..
I felt helpless and aimless while driving.
Part of my heart has gone missing..
So I drove to a good friend's house, text-ed her to accompany me for a short while.
However, she's just like what she has told me, not good in consoling people.. Lols.
Still, grateful for sparing your study time just to cheer this friend up.
Thanks. :)

As what I would usually do, I text-ed her a long one.
In words, I apologized again for vexing her, thanked her again for those sweetest moments in my life that she gave, and as well with these, "You are still the only one I loved very much"..
I felt that I am so useless after I sent that, I am just spineless I think..
I blamed myself in front of her for putting her in such a high position in my heart, but in fact I never regret on doing that.
I behaved like a paranoid after we broke up, I was always imagining wildly, negatively.
Frankly speaking, I can't afford to lose her, and yet I actually lost her already.
Love is unfair, one chose to wave the white flag, there's nothing the other one could do.
For me, this has happened just too quickly to accept.

Well, I still love you.
I am still hoping that you could come back to my side, still wishing that I could hold your hand, hold you tightly in my embrace, again..
It seems impossible by now..

Faded..

Hi-tea.

Enjoyed hi-tea with Miss Yunn Shyen at Niniq yesterday!
Had ma favourite CCTV look-alike cake, so chocolaty!
Touched that she still hung out with me even thought her next final paper is on Thursday!
:D

Shopping day.

Sunday, went Singapore early in the morning.
Had a great great shopping day with her for the entire day!
Freaking tiring.
Actually she wanted to go back early at around 7 something and yet we shopped until 10 and had our late dinner nearby her house.
We had McDonald's!
Singapore McD is totally different from M'sia ones.
That day, we bought not much clothes and spent most on food! Lols.
Singapore food is terribly expensive eh.
Well, had fun with her and took some pictures!
All of the pictures are in her phone, too bad my phone camera sucks.
Day was awesome after all, as long as it is with her around, except those stupid arguments.
:D

Simplest intention.

I've been plainly sleeping, eating, gaming and watching movies and dramas for the entire day.
It's like, so long never been so relaxing already, months I think?
Last night went Jusco with family to help with carrying stuffs, such a filial son I am! Lols.
Actually I just wanted to follow my mom and see what to buy over there, Topman maybe?
Her bill.
xD

Looking forward to shop with her in Singapore tomorrow!
Enjoyed our conversation via webcam with her just now, sweet indeed.
<3

What I told you was real, I am grateful for sparing your precious resting time to me..
Every night after you work and days when you off..
I am really touched.
In the other hand, I hope that you are not doing that just to want a smile for me.
I would not smile if this is not your own will or making you even more tired.

I simply want you to be cheered up after a long, tiring day.
That's my simplest intention.
:)

Overslept again.

Had sweet moments with her!
Had brunch together at somewhere nearby Niniq.
One tiny and vintage restaurant with Korean, Japanese and Chinese cuisines.
They have a diverse variety choices of food even though the dining place and the kitchen is so small. Lols.
We are supposed to wake up early for an actual breakfast and yet we overslept again..
:/

Well, the haze problem is quite terrible I think.
Thanks to some Indonesia swines.
I couldn't even see the building clearly which is just 50 meters (approximately) away from me while I was driving..
:|

Furthest distance.

Been to Monash this afternoon before lunch!
Gosh, the environment is totally different from UCSI.
The whole university is like, so clean and so happening!
Everyone was gathering around canteen, library and everywhere, how lively!
Much better than my current university indeed.
Well, better not to put in so high hope at the first place, in the case of higher disappointment.. Lols.
Had Fullhouse Cafe afterwards!
x)

Right now at this moment, I don't really know, how long can this last..
Being together with you, but not actually as one, relationship wise.
At present, I am having the feeling of that, you will be leaving at any moment, anytime, without any sign would be shown.
Don't really know what's in your mind.
Kind of feeling insecure, since no one will ever know my existence if they never be told by yourself right?
I feel like I am just a nothing?
You seem still keeping everything to yourself..
And now I finally realized what is the furthest distance..
:/

However, watching you sleep is still the best thing ever..
<3

Going smoothly.

Woke up so early today, yet still kind of heavy-eyelid.
Current location: Sunway Town!
Mr. Jason still sleeping, waiting for him to wake up and bring me to Monash!
Will straight head to bus station for going back JB afterwards.
Reason is because, someone is coming over my house tonight and camp!
x)
Anyway, hope everything will be going smoothly as I hope.
I mean in the sense of my future university, I really hope for an offer letter from them!

You are my sunshine.

You Are My Sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping,
I dreamt I held you in my arm.
When I awoke, I was mistaken,
So I hung my head down and cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are grey.

You'll never know dear, how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

Thought of this song all of a sudden, it's lame I know.
xD

Freeman, at last.

First of all, is something that is extremely important.
Which is.. My exam is over!! Woot!
Holiday mood: Activated! (although it has already been activated long ago)
:|

Just shortened my hair!
Wanted to dye it straight away actually, but I think I better have more patience.
There is a saloon located somewhere nearby my sweet home which is freaking cheap.
I've been letting the lady boss scissoring my hair since I was secondary!
The price are reasonable indeed.
40 bucks only eh, for dyeing.
Hard to imagine right? Lols.

Well, about the last paper this morning, speechless..
A point of fact, I don't really have total confidence in some of the answers I wrote!
Sighs..
Anyway, now is my holiday and I am gonna fully enjoy it!
I would be just ignoring everything about academic until I got my result I think.
x)

However, bad always come with something good, this is life.
Good and bad things are always equilibrium.
But, how come so many thick-skinned fellas always posted or sent those disgusting messages to you?
Grrr..
x(

I wonder why you are kind of giving me cold shoulder after last night conversation.
Maybe this is just my another over-thinking?

Two and a half hour.

Well, just woke up from a quick nap, exceptionally sleepy.
Yet I still have few more notes to revise.
Feel like lying back onto my bed gravely..
Two and a half hour to my exam, and no more exams for a month or two afterwards!
By that time I would like to relax to the maximum and of course, play hard!
In any case, I still have to get back to my notes before this could actually become the reality..
Sighs..
Can't really study with the holiday mode on, I mean, it's real hard to concentrate!
:/

Just you.

Miss those moments when I turn my head, you will just appear in my sight.
I simply want you to be mine.
<3

Crystal clear.

It supposed to be a nice conversation, and yet it turned gloomy when we talked about that topic.
As for myself, we are actually together, just not in the status and not officially.
Our feelings are the same, hearts are beating as one, behaviors would not lie.
We got jealous when one is close to someone else, we worried for each other, we cared for each other and more.
What does this prove, isn't it crystal clear?
Just that we shouldn't be going to the fault way if you think that we are already unstable (maybe).
But I don't think it that way and I don't think we are unstable, as long as we are devoted to this relationship.
If I am really the only one that you would like to be together, then it would be no hesitation right?
No time isn't an excuse that I could really accept, communication is the key.
And it would be certainly and unquestionably not making us unstable.
My point of view, this act is just an escaping, escape would not solve the problem but only make it worst.
I just want to be blissed that's why I committed myself to this relationship..
In fact, if we are really and already unstable, and this breaking up will only make us yet more unstable.
I hope we can sort things out as soon as possible.
Being together with you but not in the name is not a very good feeling.
Well, of course I don't like being hanging there like that.
But It doesn't mean we need to end in quick and clean, definitely.
x(

I am just too afraid to lose you..

Anxiety, endless.

Maybe I am just thinking too much, maybe I am just loving too deep, or maybe I am just caring too much?
I don't know why and when it began, I am being pessimistic about it, about us.
Well, i feel anxiety nowadays, keep thinking about unhelpful things.
I always wonder why can't it be the way that I wanted it to be?
Although I am clear about the reason as well as the situation by now.
But I can't help thinking it a different way.
How differently? Like black and white, totally different.
I should have confidence in myself ain't I?
It couldn't be helped.
I am worrying all these whiles, wondering what are you doing and what's really in your mind.
Since we are not really in that status already, everyone has the same chance as me right, or maybe higher?
However, we are still as close as we used to be when we are still as one, as one as in relationship sense.
Maybe someone has replaced my position and I am just being covered in the dark?
I think I better stop all these thoughts before I gone mad.
Bring it to an end, not us, but my thinking.

Study mode.

Well, I am bored and hungry..

I seriously hate exams to the maximum!
I even feel guilty when I play games, what the heck?
After tomorrow, I am a freeman!
Can't wait to sit for the exam!
No wait, I haven't done revising..
You must be pulling my leg!
:|


真他妈的想你!
Saw this from somewhere today, kind of funny but true!
x)

Forgetful.

Alright, I admit this is stupid.
I plugged in my thumb drive to lappie for putting my lab reports in so that I can print it out somewhere.
When the moment I reached the Photostat shop, I realized I've forgotten to bring it along, and it's still plugged.
So I walked home out of no choices..
The sun is freaking bright and hot!
Sorry my fair skin, bear with it..
:/

Guess someone has passed her forgetfulness on me already..

Lame game.

Just got up from my sweet dream, and i was kind of amazed when i looked at my phone.

I was like, whoa, today so early huh? Lols.
Actually I woke up at nine something, and I spent an hour plus rolling on bed..

:|

Sitting in front of the screen, first thing of all, clicked on Facebook and then, Pirate Ahoy..

It's a Facebook Playfish game that is very fun, yes very fun, and addictive..

Imagine that if you yourself can be a pirate captain like Lufey in One Piece?
Although most of the people think that I am lame, but I don't really care.

Anyway, I still have a report on hand, gotta hand it in today..

Guess i better start doing it now huh, instead of typing here and moving my ship to explore treasure islands!

x)

When you are gone, the pieces of my heart i am missing you..

Birthday surprise.

Was viewing our photos, our lovable memories.
This picture was taken on your birthday!
15th of August.
It is seriously heart warming, just like the blooming sunflower!
:)

Wrote you a card, bought you a cake and the sunflower as this picture shown.
With a surprise that filled with love and excitement!
Guess I was the only one that nervous.. Lols.


Sometimes i wonder, are you still keeping that card?
Or you've already forgotten about it?
Since you are always so forgetful..
:p

Thought of what you've told me, the reasons of yours.
Regretful to say, it doesn't really convince me at all.
I found it kind of odd to me, why can't a loving couple being together?
However, it's your own choice and freedom to do what you want to get yourself out of this self-suffering right?
Being a burden myself isn't good in feeling as well.
You did the right thing to protect yourself, nothing is wrong.
Just that i don't think it's worth it to wave the white flag just like that.
It's real difficult to find true hearts nowadays..
x(

You would never know how much it hurts.

Ticking clock.

These few days with you was just like a beautiful occurrence.
Time passed so quickly like a rush-flowing river that never seem to slowing down..
It's like, the clock was ticking at double speed when you were around.
And now, i am alone in the living room that we've spent our blissful moments.
Even minute is just like an hour, it may sounds a bit exaggerated, but this is what i am feeling right now.
:/

I smell freedom.

Had my structural biochemistry paper this morning, the next paper will be on Wednesday, which is biostatistic.
Kind of disliking this subject.
As for my personal and professional opinion, this is just another extremely lame subject that created by my university to earn our parents' hard-earning money..
:|
After Wednesday 1:59 p.m. and 59 seconds, or maybe earlier (if i am too good), my days after will be filled with joyfulness and care-freeness!
Oh yeah!
I smell freedom!
Think might not be able to go back my sweet home right after the exam, have to go Monash for registering!
Heard from Jason's friend that the closing date for registration is by this month, and it surprised me..
:0

I miss you..

Those moments.

Didn't know display picture fight is so fun.
You know what, these photos represent our sweet moments before all these happened.
Moments that i treasured the most..





At least during those moments, i was still able to tell the entire world that you are mine.
Every movement of yours melted my heart..

The best.

Being your hubby is already the best thing that could actually happened in my life.
I was hoping it could last longer..












You are still my everything..

Slipped away.

Had a enjoyable, lovely, beautiful study weekend with beloved.
Laughs and teases filled the moments!
Thanks for getting here all the way just for me, I am deeply touched.
:')

Anyway, I have a mix feeling.
It is kind of difficult to express it in words.
It is like I am trying to grab the smoke with my bare hand.
I once thought it is already in my grip, and yet it slips away between my fingers.

Long-forgotten.

A sudden urge of reviving my long-forgotten blog.

Thanks to someone reminded me of its existence.

It has been so long since the last post stated date.

I couldn't recall what I’ve actually wrote months ago.

Time flies, people habitually saying it when they think about or chatter about the past.

However, it only suits people who didn't accomplish something significant with wholly effort.

This is just a perception of mine, isn't it pretty factual?

May show your objection as you pleased.

;)