After so long.

Laziness has dominated my action nowadays, it's been awhile since I last update my blog due to my slothfulness.

Although nobody would be reading it anyway, but perseverance is vital to tons of things.

Well, not much happened lately, beside hanging out everyday, killing times, as well as enjoying life and food to the maximum.

And yes, I categorized food and life together, no food no life eh. Lols.

Additionally, I missed everyday lunch by waking up late, fantastically splendid.

Hasn't been this free since ages, but I guess I've relaxed a little bit too much already..

By the way, I've found my job, I will be starting to work on 1st of December.

Have to start taking some responsibilities on the money I spent like the running tap water.

Working hours is pretty flexible, as long as the boss sees result, I could actually knock off anytime I want, or maybe just skip a working day.

How awesome is this, but I think it wouldn't be so easy like I thought since I just started to get in touch with all these credit card thingy.

Actually half of the reason is that maybe I could forget some unwanted thinkings and imaginations by working relentlessly.

People kept asking me to look for another, and to get over someone that is unworthy.

Everyday, every single minute passed, I kept distracting myself from thinking about it, numbing myself from this pain.

Every sleepless nights, I watch drama until I get heavy-eyelid-ed just to fall asleep, and it is already dawn when I got tired.

Staying home is actually torturous, people tend to think much when they are not doing anything.

So hanging out is the only way of escaping myself from this instrument of torture.

Time passed, I don't seem to get over it yet, never seems to stop a moment to miss you.

It seems that, the more I tried to escape, the greater disappointment I got from missing you more.

Friends scorned me from behaving this way, asking me to look for better, I disagreed.

Knowing and understanding someone all over again is tiring, at least for now I am too weary for it.

Since the first time meeting her, I've been thinking of settling down and lead to a stable relationship.

So I made effort to knowing her, giving her cares, spared most of my time on it.

Yet it ended up like this expectedly, sadly and disappointedly.

No one gets to blamed on this but myself.

I took things seriously before understanding it, once again.

Every time I try to see things clearly, the conclusion I got is always negative.

I mean, it always turn out I am the only one that still holding it tightly, couldn't bear to let go.

And I mean nothing to her already, this is a clear fact.

I once thought naively, after so many heart broken relationships of hers, I could give her my best to mend her heart.

To be someone that can be trusted fully, completely.

To be someone that can be relying on, although you might say you wouldn't be relying on boyfriend. Lols.

It's fine, you always do whatever you want, persist on what you think is right, and it's alright to me.

However, these don't matter anymore.

Frankly speaking, I feel that I am needed by you when you need me once in a awhile, when don't, I am nothing.

This is just my one-sided thinkings anyway.

That night you were lying on my laps when you were drunk, I spoke my heart out to a friend that fetch us home.

I asked, "am I very silly doing all these for her?"

I said, when I first met her I've fallen for her already, I've made up my mind that she is the only sweetie.

I don't know why, even after seeing other guys cuddling her, after saying all those harsh words, after asking her to go away and ask her to stay with her friends, I still couldn't just leave her there, I told him.

I still went back for her, I was worried.

I failed on letting go, guess this is my greatest weakness after all.
But deep inside my heart, she worths all these best that I could give regardless of she needing it or not.

On the day before she backed to Sg, we talked things out.

She told me she will consider about us, I told her to think of it for my sake, she agreed.

As for now, I bet she has forgotten like she always does.

Let nature takes its course then.

A meaningful song to intro. :)

Another sleepless night.

谁还会在乎一起傻傻说过的那些话
是我没那个福气

没福气却又爱上你..

What a night.

Just got home, freaking tired.
I sprained my ankle and some mofos still stepped on it while I was dancing on the dance floor.

F you all.

Obvious answer.

Alright, I guess the answer I desired is pretty obvious already.
I mean nothing to you.
Been looking for you for the entire day, all I got in return is those cold responds.
Of course, you are dating someone, and I don't even have the actual number you are using right now.
I only can contact you through messenger or Facebook, some more you were online with your phone.
How do you expect me to contact you?
You don't even reply, you still accused me for not looking you up.
Fine, I am speechless..
You got your new life, new phone number, new contact list, and of course, I am excluded from the list.
I really don't know why you looked me up that night when you backed to JB..

I've tried my very best not to contact you, try to stay away from you.
To mend my broken heart.
Thought you've gave everything up already?
But still, you pulled me back to this mess again.
We are in a mess, don't you think?
You can't made up your mind, you don't want a relationship, these is all you said.
I've made myself so clear, you chose not to accept.
So please, I am sick of those guessing games already.

Just tell me what you want, no lies, if you still cherish on this fading bond.
Or, you could just leave it.
Perhaps you don't even care..
Fine, it's alright.

Cared too much.

I hope that you are well, hope that you are alright, hope that you are safe..
You won't know how worried I am when you went to those place with alcohols.
You always couldn't limit yourself from drinking too much..
Do you ever know that it's very dangerous for girls, some more I don't even know who you are hanging out with.
Some more you always sick easily when you are tired and not getting enough sleep.
Sighs.
Sorry, I cared too much.
But I am just couldn't help myself from caring you.
I am sorry.

Carefree, yet confusing.

Well, not much happened lately beside being a heavy-clubber and meeting lots of friends!
Everyday, eat, sleep and play.
What a life, way too carefree..
:/

It was such a sudden that you called me last night.
Was kind of fed up actually when you asked me not to come and fetch you while I was trying all my ways and best to get to my car.
Had supper with Ms. June instead.
She was kind of pity eh, wallet lost.
Pocket money all gone, including those important stuffs..
Curse the thief eh.
However, may all the good lucks be with you after the bads.
:)

Alright, after a night, I am seriously confused right now.
What am I to you and what are we now...?
Thought you gave this up so effortlessly already..
Thought you chose freedom over me, or maybe I am not even in the considerations?
Lols.

Needless to say, I am no longer important anymore, I can feel it.
Perhaps you are just letting the time to fade this away...?

Letting go.

It's time to let go.
Get over it.
Time to mend my heart with glues, it is in pieces.

Lingering still.

It feels like, it was an meaningless conversation to you.
I was like a fool that abandon my pride and dignity to try and sustain it.
Wishing upon a shooting star makes the wish come true, it is just a legend after all..
Should I just get over it?
Everything of you still lingering in my mind, always.
I have a life, but it's not complete without you, sweetheart.
It's been so long since the last time I called you this huh?
:)

A jerk.

Well, you got your freedom that you wanted.
I wouldn't want to take it away from you anymore.
If you are happier that way, I am willing to be a jerk that will make you dislike me more.
:)

I am pretending that I don't care at all, but actually I missed it so much.

Sleepless nights.

I didn't have enough sleep these days and I am very sleepy right now.

Well, out with friends these days and nights or watching drama until very late. Lols.

Ended up with dark circles and yawning spree.
Zzz...

Actually, I wonder why were you looking for me.

But I am quite glad that I still mean something to you.

Maybe I am just thinking too much again.

:)

Speechless.

I've tried to keep you by my side, but you seem the other way round..
Speechless..

It is just a sudden thought.

Randoms.

Wednesday night was my birthday night, and I got wasted like some peeps expected and hoped.
That's totally awesome.
Yea, I am trying to be sarcastic.
Had sort of birthday celebration at Cabana, with friends and ma cousin!
Had much of drinks that night, I even vomited.
Know what, something I hate the most is I couldn't recall a thing after I vomited, totally wasted a night.
I did stupid things, again.
I loved doing silly things when I drunk I guess.
I called her, but I couldn't remember the conversation, not even a word.
I actually forgot that I did call her that night, was shocked while checking my recent calls. Lols.
Well, I don't have the courage to ask either.
Great birthday after all, full of laughs and tears.
:)

Had outings for these few days.
My relatives (mother side) came over to my house and stay!
I feel good having them around, lively home it became!
Met a friend, Ms June today.
So long never see her eh, kind of missing her.
It's good to see her again!
:)

Sad one.

It's raining heavily right now.
Just got home from somewhere far, seriously far.
First thing I do when I reached home was viewing your photos.
I miss you.

Received greetings and blessings from peeps.
Well, this is not a happy birthday to me, disappointedly..
It's a sad one in fact.
It's unbearable to leave, but I've got no choice.
I will try to endure the pain I feel inside.
:(

Had big crabs as sort of birthday countdown at some restaurant with friends!
But that place is really far..
:D

离开.

离开你以后, 并没有  更自由...

Days.

Sunday, been to Holiday Plaza with cousin and sister, bought my phone's casing.
Had McDonald's (sister's treat) and got my earrings (my birthday present from cousin). Lols.
Had an early celebration as well with my relatives that night, dad's treat (how rare).
xD

Well, now has passed 12 already, so it's considered as Tuesday.
So I shall refer Monday as yesterday eh.
Alright, craps are enough.
Just now, been to somewhere seriously awesome!
Windy, beautiful, calming sound of sea waves and amazing feeling are still not enough to describe that place.
Woot, with night sky filled with stars, planes landing and taking off..
I somehow touched seeing that scenery.
It turns out creepy when that fella talked about that strong wind is somewhat odd.
:/

My birthday is so close!
Looking forward to my celebration!
Yeah!
:D